Post by CagedinSanity on Aug 1, 2005 14:05:50 GMT -5
This is mainly for laughs, and most of this is the form of patch logs for games.
1.01 Earth patch changes:
----------------------------------
1) Since the discovery of agriculture Humans now require 60% more food intake and no longer need to sleep unless they want to. Dreams occur 100% of the time while sleeping. Animals still require sleep to regenerate.
2) Lowered the brightness of the sun by a large amount.
3) Text changes in the bible. All old written bibles will remain unchanged. Only the 2004 bibles will have the new changes.
4) People will no longer suffer in hell for eternity. Depending on your sin is the amount of time spent in hell.
5) Map changes. Re-Inforced anti cheat protection.
6) Fixed a stock loophole that allowed a player to get insanely rich fast.
7) Fixed a bug where people could do horrible things and still have positive karma rating.
8) Humans have more upgrades (Like holding their breath longer, less oxygen needed, and stronger hands/eyes).
9) Lessened the ugliness factor when creating humans.
10) Global temerature changes.
Humans have to go to the bathroom less often. This was for the new 60% food increase.
Humans boredom factor removed. This stops idle players.
Prayers have a less of a chance to get answered. This is because since there are over 6 billion players its hard for server op's to aid you all the time.
Added a fix where in 100 years people will think this patch never existed.
Humans can now hold there breath a minimum of 8 minutes and can go as long as 16-24 minutes.
Body changes: All humans how have a thing called a mabar in there throats to save them from choking. Alll females have a new part called an eurol. The eurol can be opened or closed from the deep reaches of the vagina to prevent pregnancy.
Increased lust factors and removed the modesty feeling.
Removed paralysis status from the earth.
Revamped the experience system and powering up. There is now no limit to human abilities.
Increased the humans 6th sense sense.
Fixed an exploit that allowed the living to communicate with the dead.
Fixed an exploit that allowed eternal life through a ring (Alex Chu's rings of immortality).
Humans can now survive more harsh temperatures over prolonged periods of time. (-10 degrees to 150 degrees farenheight(sp?) )
Added new resources. This allows for new never before seen human technology to be developed.
Changed the way certain organs work to fix exploits.
Humans can now grow back/regenerate lost limbs/organs and heal wounds slightly faster.
Changed the way the body can bend.
Fixed lag skips and server de-synchs (Slow time, fast time passing)
Removed coma status
Added a new human ability "psychic" This allows for stable defense than martial arts did.
Improved memory allocations.
Nails and hair no longer grow when a player has died.
Removed STD's. (If only this were true..)
Implemented a method to curing virus's.
Added hundreds of new sicknesses and bad status abnormalities.
Removed blind/deaf/numb bad status's and replaced them with temporary ones that act the same but not permanent.
Removed all exploits that allowed atom splitting to cause a tremendous explosion.
Humans can become immune to hypnosis if given an hours training.
Added a new animal: Hypno Toad.
Several nerfs to different types of bugs.
Dolphins no longer have to "Manually" breathe. They can now set it to automatic like most other mamals.
Removed VooDoo magic.
Fixed a loophole that allowed humans to create other humans and objects via cloning.
Human emotion is no longer unstable.
Fixed a bug that caused human cheeks to reel at citrus or otherwise fruity substances when first eaten after a set period of time.
Humans are reconfigured to be able to live in zero gravity enviroments much easier than before.
Increased the fatality rate for drug users.
Removed an exploit that allowed humans to eat certain substances to significally increase there muscle potential.
Human hormones can now be sensed via the 6th sense.
Increased human hormones control factor.
Removed straining totally from the human race (Muscle strains, eye strains, ect)
Decreased the penalty for loud sounds. Loud sounds no longer cause as much damage as before.
All living creatures do not require as much oxygen as one needed.
The ozone now properly fixes itself.
CFC's no longer damage the ozone.
The atmosphere was strenthened 10x normal. This prevents space travel for a thousand more years and prevents several supernovas from destroying the earth.
The feeling that holds grudges was significantly lowered. This was to prevent a never ending war that might of occured.
Removed the retard status abnormality.
Increased humans ability to resist manipulation and increased ability in manipulation.
Fixed a bug that allowed dead spirits to be seen by players.
Humans can now jump three feet higher and fall two story's more than normal.
Removed the bad status siesure.
Lowered the feelings of modesty and embarassment.
Changed the affects radiation has on humans.
ANIMAL CHANGE- Rabits no longer mass produce.
Added new racial color. Solid black. Total blackness, not brownish, but black.
Added new racial color. Solid white. Total whiteness, not albino'ish, but white.
Edited several allergy issues.
Bananas will become extinct in the year 2010. This is to prevent a deadly invention if mixed with the new resources.
Babies or small creatures that drown no longer turn blue.
Humans have a higher pain resistance.
Increased the eyelids strength. Can overpower nearly anything holding it back.
Since the atmosphere is stengthened where nothing can enter/leave, there is a new type of "sphere" within the earth. The humans will be left to give it a name but it has zero gravity. Which will allow sattelites to still be used.
Humans now can go to a church to get there karma rating.
This patch abolishes all wrong religions from the world.
Humans can now control there hair growth, and the way there hair grows. Expect to see MUCh thicker hair in the future.
Fixed a bug that allowed scientists to alter a fetus to certain specifications.
Increased human patience.
Humans now recieve more overall enjoyment than before from things they may take interest into.
Changed the EULA to include the 10 commandments along with the following:
11) Thou shall not exploit science and dupe.
12) Thou shall not abuse market loopholes.
13) Thou shall not create propoganda or spread false word thru a false outlet.
14) Thou shall not enter outerspace until the year 3000
15) Thou shall not create A.I. that will do harm upon man.
16) Thou shall not hack unto thine neighbor.
17) Thou are`eth allowed to ignore morality upon anonymous meeting, but thou are`eth not allowed to act unmoral upon those who are true. (Meaning, backstab on the internet, not in real life)
18) Thou shall not conquor mother nature or father time.
Several weather changes.
Added new types of disasters.
Removed earthquakes and replaced them with earthwaves.
Removed tornado's and replaced them with razorwinds.
Replaced monsoons with a lava eruption that acts the same as a monsoon.
Replaced hail with ice spines. Act the same as hail but are now sharp and pointy ice bolts.
TEMPORARY FIX: Time traveling "Traveling faster or slower" will now instantly kill the player or object.
Revived several old extinct creatures.
Bread now does not fill you up as much as it used too.
The term "Tastes like chicken" is replaced with "Tastes like Dodo"
Players can no longer play as the following animals: "Knat, Cow" as well as a few other species not known to all who read this bible.
Messia's will be sent out to fix currency issues. As well as all company and brand name items that were ruined/supercharged by this patch. You cannot hurt or kill or change the mind of a messiah.
Added four new sky affects.
Just Frame/Bullet Time/Matrix effects are now much easier than before. This was implimented because we found no other way to nerf the gun type weapons.
Changed the way lasers work. They now no longer need an end point. This allows for laser type swords.
Increased the life-spans of cats/dogs and other common human pets.
With enough training. Humans or animals can cross-communicate with one another.
Suicide no longer is punished by hell, but by the Random-Wheel. You roll the wheel, whichever type of animal it lands on thats what your next life will be.
Assisted/Accidental suicide is no longer punished by hell.
You can no longer sell your soul or trade for it. Everyone who did this before the patch will return to normal.
Fixed a bug that allowed the dead to come back to life. Called Undead.
Fixed a bug that would keep players stuck in a time-loop forever.
Fixed a bug that allowed people on the verge of death see a glimpse of the afterlife.
Removed "Acid Reflex Disease"
Added new counters for players in heaven: Death Toll. Death Rate. Birth Rate, Sex Rate. Total accumulated pain
Heh.
1.01 Earth patch changes:
----------------------------------
1) Since the discovery of agriculture Humans now require 60% more food intake and no longer need to sleep unless they want to. Dreams occur 100% of the time while sleeping. Animals still require sleep to regenerate.
2) Lowered the brightness of the sun by a large amount.
3) Text changes in the bible. All old written bibles will remain unchanged. Only the 2004 bibles will have the new changes.
4) People will no longer suffer in hell for eternity. Depending on your sin is the amount of time spent in hell.
5) Map changes. Re-Inforced anti cheat protection.
6) Fixed a stock loophole that allowed a player to get insanely rich fast.
7) Fixed a bug where people could do horrible things and still have positive karma rating.
8) Humans have more upgrades (Like holding their breath longer, less oxygen needed, and stronger hands/eyes).
9) Lessened the ugliness factor when creating humans.
10) Global temerature changes.
Humans have to go to the bathroom less often. This was for the new 60% food increase.
Humans boredom factor removed. This stops idle players.
Prayers have a less of a chance to get answered. This is because since there are over 6 billion players its hard for server op's to aid you all the time.
Added a fix where in 100 years people will think this patch never existed.
Humans can now hold there breath a minimum of 8 minutes and can go as long as 16-24 minutes.
Body changes: All humans how have a thing called a mabar in there throats to save them from choking. Alll females have a new part called an eurol. The eurol can be opened or closed from the deep reaches of the vagina to prevent pregnancy.
Increased lust factors and removed the modesty feeling.
Removed paralysis status from the earth.
Revamped the experience system and powering up. There is now no limit to human abilities.
Increased the humans 6th sense sense.
Fixed an exploit that allowed the living to communicate with the dead.
Fixed an exploit that allowed eternal life through a ring (Alex Chu's rings of immortality).
Humans can now survive more harsh temperatures over prolonged periods of time. (-10 degrees to 150 degrees farenheight(sp?) )
Added new resources. This allows for new never before seen human technology to be developed.
Changed the way certain organs work to fix exploits.
Humans can now grow back/regenerate lost limbs/organs and heal wounds slightly faster.
Changed the way the body can bend.
Fixed lag skips and server de-synchs (Slow time, fast time passing)
Removed coma status
Added a new human ability "psychic" This allows for stable defense than martial arts did.
Improved memory allocations.
Nails and hair no longer grow when a player has died.
Removed STD's. (If only this were true..)
Implemented a method to curing virus's.
Added hundreds of new sicknesses and bad status abnormalities.
Removed blind/deaf/numb bad status's and replaced them with temporary ones that act the same but not permanent.
Removed all exploits that allowed atom splitting to cause a tremendous explosion.
Humans can become immune to hypnosis if given an hours training.
Added a new animal: Hypno Toad.
Several nerfs to different types of bugs.
Dolphins no longer have to "Manually" breathe. They can now set it to automatic like most other mamals.
Removed VooDoo magic.
Fixed a loophole that allowed humans to create other humans and objects via cloning.
Human emotion is no longer unstable.
Fixed a bug that caused human cheeks to reel at citrus or otherwise fruity substances when first eaten after a set period of time.
Humans are reconfigured to be able to live in zero gravity enviroments much easier than before.
Increased the fatality rate for drug users.
Removed an exploit that allowed humans to eat certain substances to significally increase there muscle potential.
Human hormones can now be sensed via the 6th sense.
Increased human hormones control factor.
Removed straining totally from the human race (Muscle strains, eye strains, ect)
Decreased the penalty for loud sounds. Loud sounds no longer cause as much damage as before.
All living creatures do not require as much oxygen as one needed.
The ozone now properly fixes itself.
CFC's no longer damage the ozone.
The atmosphere was strenthened 10x normal. This prevents space travel for a thousand more years and prevents several supernovas from destroying the earth.
The feeling that holds grudges was significantly lowered. This was to prevent a never ending war that might of occured.
Removed the retard status abnormality.
Increased humans ability to resist manipulation and increased ability in manipulation.
Fixed a bug that allowed dead spirits to be seen by players.
Humans can now jump three feet higher and fall two story's more than normal.
Removed the bad status siesure.
Lowered the feelings of modesty and embarassment.
Changed the affects radiation has on humans.
ANIMAL CHANGE- Rabits no longer mass produce.
Added new racial color. Solid black. Total blackness, not brownish, but black.
Added new racial color. Solid white. Total whiteness, not albino'ish, but white.
Edited several allergy issues.
Bananas will become extinct in the year 2010. This is to prevent a deadly invention if mixed with the new resources.
Babies or small creatures that drown no longer turn blue.
Humans have a higher pain resistance.
Increased the eyelids strength. Can overpower nearly anything holding it back.
Since the atmosphere is stengthened where nothing can enter/leave, there is a new type of "sphere" within the earth. The humans will be left to give it a name but it has zero gravity. Which will allow sattelites to still be used.
Humans now can go to a church to get there karma rating.
This patch abolishes all wrong religions from the world.
Humans can now control there hair growth, and the way there hair grows. Expect to see MUCh thicker hair in the future.
Fixed a bug that allowed scientists to alter a fetus to certain specifications.
Increased human patience.
Humans now recieve more overall enjoyment than before from things they may take interest into.
Changed the EULA to include the 10 commandments along with the following:
11) Thou shall not exploit science and dupe.
12) Thou shall not abuse market loopholes.
13) Thou shall not create propoganda or spread false word thru a false outlet.
14) Thou shall not enter outerspace until the year 3000
15) Thou shall not create A.I. that will do harm upon man.
16) Thou shall not hack unto thine neighbor.
17) Thou are`eth allowed to ignore morality upon anonymous meeting, but thou are`eth not allowed to act unmoral upon those who are true. (Meaning, backstab on the internet, not in real life)
18) Thou shall not conquor mother nature or father time.
Several weather changes.
Added new types of disasters.
Removed earthquakes and replaced them with earthwaves.
Removed tornado's and replaced them with razorwinds.
Replaced monsoons with a lava eruption that acts the same as a monsoon.
Replaced hail with ice spines. Act the same as hail but are now sharp and pointy ice bolts.
TEMPORARY FIX: Time traveling "Traveling faster or slower" will now instantly kill the player or object.
Revived several old extinct creatures.
Bread now does not fill you up as much as it used too.
The term "Tastes like chicken" is replaced with "Tastes like Dodo"
Players can no longer play as the following animals: "Knat, Cow" as well as a few other species not known to all who read this bible.
Messia's will be sent out to fix currency issues. As well as all company and brand name items that were ruined/supercharged by this patch. You cannot hurt or kill or change the mind of a messiah.
Added four new sky affects.
Just Frame/Bullet Time/Matrix effects are now much easier than before. This was implimented because we found no other way to nerf the gun type weapons.
Changed the way lasers work. They now no longer need an end point. This allows for laser type swords.
Increased the life-spans of cats/dogs and other common human pets.
With enough training. Humans or animals can cross-communicate with one another.
Suicide no longer is punished by hell, but by the Random-Wheel. You roll the wheel, whichever type of animal it lands on thats what your next life will be.
Assisted/Accidental suicide is no longer punished by hell.
You can no longer sell your soul or trade for it. Everyone who did this before the patch will return to normal.
Fixed a bug that allowed the dead to come back to life. Called Undead.
Fixed a bug that would keep players stuck in a time-loop forever.
Fixed a bug that allowed people on the verge of death see a glimpse of the afterlife.
Removed "Acid Reflex Disease"
Added new counters for players in heaven: Death Toll. Death Rate. Birth Rate, Sex Rate. Total accumulated pain
Heh.
